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A Cure for Loneliness

Life is full of many joys. Taking a walk, watching your favorite movie, or trying something new are all satisfying, but nothing compares to being with people you love. All of the aforementioned activities can be immediately enhanced through the addition of simply having another party to share the experience with. Enjoying life with family and friends can hardly be matched, but even despite this we all crave something more: a partner. Someone to have and to hold, to grow old with, to create a family with. Practically everybody wants to find that special someone, but this is a task easier said than done. With over 7 billion people on this earth, how in the world can you find that perfect match for you?

In today’s day and age, social standards are always evolving and adapting to the most recent cultural and technological advancements. It can be hard to keep up due to the fickle nature of the internet, but this page is here to highlight some ways to explore in striving for a compatible mate in today’s society. Below you will find some recommendations on how to meet new people, what to do with them, and some factors to take into consideration before choosing the perfect match for you.

 

According to the 2015 United States Census, over 150 million Americans of the age of 18 years or older are single or unmarried, so the problem isn’t a lack of options. However, this staggering number can feel rather overwhelming when realizing that one could theoretically have to go through each and every one of those 150 million. It shouldn’t though. The right person for you is probably closer than you think, but before you can go out looking for them, one should take a look at their self and find what they are looking for in a partner.

If we were to break down the issue of loneliness into a theoretical non-zero sum game, we would be faced with the following:

Single Uninterested Single Interested
Single Uninterested 0 0
Single Interested 0 1

If two possible mates met, these are the possible outcomes: two incompatible mates, one interested and one disinterested, and two disinterested with a positive payoff. From there the game would complicate due to the addition of compatibility. The payoffs are relative to each other, but they are by no means a deciding factor in whether or not a relationship will work.

Compatible Somewhat Compatible Not Compatible
Compatible 5 4 2
Somewhat Compatible 4 3 1
Not Compatible 2 1 0

If two players happen to each be searching for love, the two would be eligible for a match. After taking a test based on certain corresponding criteria, the following results could happen. If a match that pits two completely incompatible people together, the payoff would be nothing and the match would fail. If two people are faced and one finds something to like in the other person, but the other finds absolutely nothing of value in the other, the match would most likely fail, but there is a small chance of development. If one player found a lot to love about the other person, but the other found absolutely nothing, then the odds of the match working is slim, but the player who finds a lot to admire could work extremely hard and possibly create a mutual match. If two people who find each other agreeable, but not altogether fantastic, the odds of a match occurring is possible and maybe even likely. It is up to the two to continue to explore each other and their emotion toward the other which can result in a higher payoff over time or lower depending on the evolution of the relationship. A couple that includes one highly interested player and another decently interested has a high chance of success, but still has room for failure. The mildly interested party could lose interest or the highly interested could diminished in their enthusiasm. And finally, two parties that are each highly interested have the highest chance for success, but it is not guaranteed. This matrix is based off of first impressions and limited knowledge, but if two parties find each other desirable and interesting, they will most likely create a successful match.

 

Should you decide to go out into the dating scene, make a conscious decision about what you want. First of all: what is your sexual preference? While heterosexual is the most common, you shouldn’t be dissuaded if your preferences differ. There are many communities out there for all kinds of people, so don’t make this into an obstacle. Next, one should decide on the permanence of the relationship they are looking to pursue. This is something that you should be completely transparent about when going into the dating scene. Let possible mates know if you are looking for a commitment, a casual thing, or maybe even an occasional past time. It is important to make this known so you and partner don’t have conflicting views about where you two see this relationship going. Also important to decide are the attributes you hold of the highest value and are necessary to find in a partner. Making sure they share the same moral values as you, determining how easy to talk to or how caring the person is are important. Or maybe not. It is really up to you to decide what they need to have. It is also important to not get hung up on appearances. Modern culture has made this into the seemingly most important element of a relationship, but don’t judge simply by looks. Depending on the kind of relationship you want to have, looks can definitely be a benefit, but they should never be the final verdict. It should be how you feel about them and how they feel about you.

 

Now that you have a better idea of what you are looking for, it is time to find it. Television and movies would tell you that the bar scene is the best place to find someone, but these are usually very skin-deep relationships. There are usually single events that one can find in your area. A quick search on the internet could yield many results. A popular alternative in today’s society is the use of dating websites or apps. Places like eHarmony, Tinder, or any other utilize user preference, like interests, and predicted compatibility to match up users on their databases. While mathematically this can seem like the perfect solution, there is always room for error. Another way of meeting people is through preexisting connections. Your friends and family members know you better than anyone else, so they can usually make educated guesses about whether other people they know could be the right fit for you. This is also not a surefire success, but never discredit a possible match. They just might be right. Another interesting place to find people is by examining the venues and people you already know. Maybe a coworker you’ve known for years or a regular at the coffeeshop you work at could end up being that match for you. Giving these people a chance can yield results, plus they have the benefit of already being relatively familiar. There are many other ways one could try as well, and regardless of where one might find it, love can probably be found there, so if you’re willing, give it a shot.

After finding an eligible mate, one should then get to know that person. There are a lot of ways to do this. Going on dates is the common. First dates are important ways of making an impression. One should choose a venue that involves a lot of one-on-one interaction such as dinner to be able to talk and become familiar with the other. Movies are a good date idea too, but should usually be avoided for a first date because they involve little interaction, so be sure to add something to do before or after the film outing. Taking excursions to locations such as parks, hiking trails, chic shopping locations, etc. are also good. Another good idea is to try something new. Doing something that either you or your partner or both have never done before is a fun way of making memories and experiencing someone’s unadulterated reactions. Overtime, assuming that the dates go well enough, you will get to know your mate better and you can make your decision on how to continue your relationship.

Finally, if you believe you have found the person that you would like to spend time with and develop a relationship with, take a moment to analyze a few things: Does this person embody most of what you want in a partner? What are their flaws and are they deal breaking? Can you envision a future with them? Do you feel something for them? Do they seem to exhibit feelings for you? All of these are very important questions in determining your partner. You don’t need to know all of these right away though. Spend time developing your relationship if you feel that it is worth developing. Openly communicate your feelings and intentions. Listen to other people’s opinions, but listen to yourself above all else.

 

It probably won’t happen the first time. It probably won’t happen the twelfth time. But when it happens, you will know. As long as you somewhat follow these guidelines, hopefully you will be able to find that perfect person for you. Don’t get bogged down by others and do what feels right to you. Don’t let your gender, sexuality, or age get in the way if what you feel is real. If you find love hold on to it for dear life because you might never find it again. You will probably encounter heartbreak, you will probably encounter impossibly happy couples despite your failure, but you can also find love. It can happen to anyone.

 

 

Thank you for reading my project! It took a long time to develop this final draft, but hopefully you have been able to come away with something from it. This is most definitely not a perfect post, however. Leave a comment below or share this article with someone you think might find it interesting or beneficial to them. Thank you so much for your time.

Disclaimer: All that is about to be said is the opinion of an 18 year old boy. He himself hasn’t found love and doesn’t have all the experience as some. He has spent a lot of time researching successful  marriages and relationships from more credible sources than himself, so please do not entirely discredit his findings.

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COMMENTS: 3
  1. April 27, 2017 by Juliet Allan

    Fascinating to see analytical concepts applied to the highly subjective field of love!

  2. April 30, 2017 by Bingpu Z

    It is amazing to see how there are rational guidelines for people to follow in finding their loved ones. It is interesting to find that game theory is not only applied to technology but alos human emotions. One suggestion I have for you is that I think your page would be even more interesting if you add some interactive parts, like a survey of a poll. Overall, I like it and thanks for sharing the information!

  3. May 02, 2017 by Ben Merrill

    Very interesting post. It so critical to know yourself well (values, expectations, wants, desires) in order to be able to choose well a person to date. It would be interesting to explore the concept of whether there is one right person out there for people, and how much of a role compatibility actually plays in successful, long term relationships. Great job on your post. You could add more visual elements to make it a bit more captivating to read through.

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